Victoria’s Lie

Victoria’s Secret just launched a line of lingerie aimed at pre-teen and young teen girls called, “Bright Young Things.” “The new brand…includes lace black cheeksters with the word “Wild” emblazoned on it, green and white polka-dot hipsters screen printed with “Feeling Lucky?” and a lace trim thong with the words, “Call me” on the front.”

There is a huge market for this. The monetary profit could be huge. The question is, how did this market come to be?

Guys start look at porn, on average, at age 11. That is on average, meaning some boys start looking at porn at age 8, 9, 10…? We are talking about 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders looking at porn. When a male looks at porn, his brain is trained to objectify women, meaning, they are seen as objects to be used. His brain, literally, does not process them as human beings. Rather, his brain processes them the same way he processes interaction with a tool, like a hammer. It is to be used. The brain-on-porn interacts with women as objects. The part of his brain that should normally be active when using a power-tool is now active in female interaction. He is processing the women he speaks to, at school, at the coffee shop, at church, as a tool to be used for sexual pleasure.

Girls discover, or are told by Victoria’s Secret, what guys are looking for and respond out of a God-given need and desire to be valued. What do sinful guys value girls for? Sex. How do girls respond? By looking sexy, or, useful for sex. It is not hard to understand this. Simply think about the slang words used to talk about sex. (If you don’t know any, I suppose that is a good thing). If you do, do you catch the drift?

How does a hammer find value? By being used to hammer things. If a hammer is never used to hammer, what is its value? How do girls now try to find value? By being used to bring pleasure to a man. Girls wonder, “If I never bring sexual pleasure to a man, or I’m not wanted for that use, what value do I have?” When girls buy into the lie that they are only as valuable as much as they bring sexual pleasure to a man, they begin to sell themselves as a useful tool for that purpose.

Victoria’s Secret is now here to help our young girls acquire “value.” Victoria’s Secret has bought into the lie; the lie that women are most valuable when they are most useful for sex. They believe women and girls are just “Bright Young Things” to be used. How do girls/women become more valuable as things? By being sexy, bright things. How do they become more sexy and bright? By wearing lingerie geared towards making boys “lucky”.

Victoria’s lie is that our middle school girls, and all women, will be of more value if they can become more sexually useful, and they can do that by wearing sexy lingerie, all for the purpose of taking it off for some perverted, whacked-out-of-his-porn-saturated-mind boy.

Two Appeals for Girls, Women and Boys

First, I beg you young girls and women, don’t buy into Satan’s lie that you are merely a thing, only as valuable as you are sexy. It does not matter if that is how men view you, that does not make the lie true. It just means men have bought into the lie too. Do not prostitute yourself by selling yourself to boys/men to be used for sexual pleasure by trying to look like a sex toy. You aren’t one. You have been created in the image of God. You are valuable on that basis alone. No man owns you.

The greatest man to ever walk the earth came not to use you, but to serve you, and to offer you forgiveness, healing, restoration, and value that you cannot possibly imagine. His name is Jesus. He died brutally and rose victoriously so that if you believe, you can have immense value as God’s own precious child. You are not made to be used by men, but rather useful in the hands of God who desires to love and restore you, and then call you to be someone who helps other people receive the love and restoration of God.

Secondly, men, who should be called boys, and fathers, I beg you to turn from your sinful ways. Turn from your lustful objectification of women, viewing them as power tools to get off on. You are hijacking God’s precious creation, perverting it, and using and abusing it. Apart from repentance towards and belief in Jesus, he will hold you accountable sooner or later. Turn from pornography, which pays no regard to the value of a woman, but rather films her abuse so you can get pleasure from it. Your porn use is killing you in your computer chair.

Fathers, you may be underestimating your role in your daughter’s life. You could be the first man to show her what is true love. Love that does not ask or want sexual pleasure in return. God’s love for us is not contingent on what we can “give” him. He just loves us. Period. Show your girl(s) that kind of love. You could be the means God uses in whether or not she sees herself as loved and valued, ultimately by God and you, or as a tool waiting to find value in being used by another man.

Stop neglecting your daughter(s). She wants you to be the man in her life. If you refuse to be, she will go find another man. Hopefully it is just Jesus. Sadly, it may be her abuser. She does not need you to be perfect, but to present. She needs you to love her in the complete absence of receiving sexual pleasure from her. Then, then, you will show her the kind of man for which she should look. You will also teach her who to avoid. Then the right man will find her, love her well, and you will hand her over to him with joy.

Song of Solomon

In a series of posts I will address a number of questions we received during our Dating, Marriage, and Sex conference week. We simply didn’t have the time to answer each question, so I will keep answering some of them here.

You can listen to sermons and our panel discussion from the week here.

Q: “How much have you studied the Song of Solomon and/or implemented those principals in your marriage?”

A: I am not married, so I haven’t implemented principles from Song of Solomon to my non-existent marriage. However, I have studied Song of Solomon via 3 different Bible studies (Tommy Nelson, Matt Chandler, and Mark Driscoll); I recommend checking out their studies. Studying the book helped me (1) view dating as having marriage as the ultimate aim and (2) see marriage and sex as gifts from God to be enjoyed for His glory. In general, the book got/gets me excited to wait for and fight for an enjoyable, God-glorifying marriage. When it comes to a lot of the principles, I don’t remember a ton. These will be studies I go back to whenever a marriage seems to be on my horizon. However, some of the details and principles helped me view marriage realistically, rather than some conflict-less, pain-free fantasy. It helped me see that all marriages have their difficulties, that a healthy marriage is something you have to work hard at, and that as a man I will be the leader of my household and will be held, first and foremost, responsible for my household.

A TASTE OF GRACE’S MARCH 6TH Q&A

On March 6th at 7pm at Grace Church we will be answering your text-in questions about dating, marriage, and sex frankly and biblically. Gather with a bunch of college students at Grace Church and ask some questions! Learn how here.

Here is a little taste of the upcoming Wednesday night…

“Is foreplay OK? When does fun with one’s spouse become objectifying your spouse?”

“What does it look like in an everyday marriage for the wife to submit to the husband? Should this submission occur while the two are dating?”

“What if I’m afraid I won’t be able to resist temptation before I’m married?”

“Is limiting sex to only within marriage limiting my pleasure?”

“What happens if you don’t want to kiss before getting married and your girlfriend/boyfriend does want to?”

“At what point in our relationship should we say ‘I love you’?”

“How do we approach telling the ones we date about a lustful, physical previous relationship?”

“What are some practical ways to go about setting physical boundaries in a dating relationship?”

“If a guy and girl are having sex in their dating relationship and become convicted, should they break up?”

In a marriage, “Can we use condoms? Or since it hinders life ought we not to?”

Why “Dating, Marriage, and Sex”?

At my church we are about to kick off 3 days, over 1 week, of teaching/training for college students on the topic of “Dating, Marriage, and Sex“. It is going to be a blast. Here is one, of the many reasons we would take the time to do what we are about to do. Here are some magazine headlines from one of Amazon’s bestsellers in Women’s Interest, the Cosmopolitan:

“Ohhhh, Crazy Hot Sex. 10 Secrets to Intense Action.”

“Try the Sex Diet”

“Be a Sex Genius”

“Feel Great Naked”

“Our Naughtiest Sex Q&A. Yeah We Went There”

Our culture is relentless in its preaching about sex, but seemingly silent on the issue of how to create strong marriages. None of those headlines read, “Ohhhh, Crazy Hot Covenantal Marriages.” Sex is a gift from God to be immensely enjoyed in one marriage between one husband and one wife, and our culture has ripped it out of its context and continuously used and abused it. As a church in Waco, we are taking it back, for God’s glory and the good of our city.