In today’s culture, few girls would say they’re at a university to get their “Mrs.” degree, meaning, they simply want to find a man, get married, and have some kids. However, that doesn’t mean that only a few girls actually just want their Mrs. degree. Now, I barely know anything about girls (and that’s being generous), but I know something about the Bible, and I have had conversations through the years with girls about this stuff. So, rather than presume to act like I have knowledge about women, let me make one comment about Scripture and then one comment about what I have heard from women, and then give you girls 2 good quotes to think about.
First, the Bible says that God made our first mother, Eve, for Adam. She was literally made from the get go to be a “helper” to Adam; she was made to marry him, help him, and raise kids with him. Marriage and motherhood was a bigger-than-huge part of Eve’s purpose. She was wired for it from the beginning.
My point: It is good for you, as a gal, to long to be married and to raise kids. It is biblical. It is glorifying to God.
Secondly, from my conversing with girls through the months/years, I have noticed that girls are hesitant to be honest about what they really want. It seems girls, when answering the question about what they want to do with their lives, first give their more school/job oriented answer. “I want to finish school, get this job, work in this ministry, etc.” It seems that usually that answer is then followed by a side note: “And I also would like to have a family one day.”
Now, if the gals are completely honest, I don’t think they are telling the full truth with how they answer the life question. If they are honest, I think many girl’s answers would be more along the lines of: “I want to get married and be a mom.”
That is not to say you gals don’t have aspirations in the business or ministry world, it just seems that for girls who ultimately just want to get married and have kids, they seem to fear owning those desires. I think this fear is produced by the culture. Our culture tells women that to simply want to get married and be a mom is “weak” and “less than.” Our culture says that is a cop-out, that women are letting men do all the “hard” work. The result is that women feel the pressure to have a successful, demanding career, which ends up getting in the way of their true dream, to have a healthy family.
My point: Biblically speaking, you can start owning your desires to simply get married and have kids. It is normal. It is good. It is from God.
Here is what Gary Thomas, author of Sacred Search has to say on this topic:
“Just as bad, many people show open disdain for anyone who goes to college in part hoping to find someone to marry or who even seems intentional in their pursuit…What’s so wrong with spending four years trying to find a suitable life mate–perhaps not as the main goal of college, but certainly one of the top goals?”
Girls, it is right for you to be intentional about finding a husband. You are not the initiator. You want a man who initiates and pursues you. However, you can help yourself get noticed by putting yourself in places to meet godly, Christian men.
Thomas writes, “Some women are cautious, believing…that they want a man to pursue them. What I’m suggesting doesn’t contradict that; however, are you putting yourself in situations where you can be pursued? Are you in a place where you can be noticed? Can you do anything to put yourself in somebody’s mind-set?”
If you ultimately just want to get married and be a mom, don’t let the culture tell you something is wrong with that. Let the Bible tell you where the culture is wrong. It simply isn’t true that all women need to be pursuing careers and making a lot of money. Can they? Sure, if they want to! But if they really just want to get married and have kids and could care less about having a career in the marketplace, God in his Word affirms them in those desires.
If you are ready to date, get busy putting yourself in situations to be noticed by good Christian men that have the courage and intentionality to pursue you, and the readiness and ability to marry you, if you want.
If you want to learn more about how to date and marry well, join a bunch of 17-23 year olds at my church’s “Dating, Marriage, and Sex” seminar on Feb. 27th at 7pm (6125 Bosque Blvd. Waco, TX 76710).